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Sex on Demand

Ovulation. Every month is a new chance to conceive, with the build up of expectation that – when fertility has you in its grasp – leads to inevitable disappointment. What started out as a time of hope becomes more and more desperate, to the point where sex has turned into a meaningless chore. The end game with sex is no longer about shared enjoyment and orgasm, but instead to conceive which is about as far away from romance as you can get.

It is important to understand that what may be diagnosed as a physical condition has an equal if not greater emotional impact. When faced with infertility, couples may feel a range of negative emotions, such as resentment, frustration and depression, exacerbated by well meaning friends and family suggesting that you should just “relax and you'll get pregnant”, which takes the prize as most unhelpful advice. Couples feel that they no longer have a life; in its place they have all consuming infertility, dominating every aspect of their world.

Advice at this time may seem useless, but there are a few things worth keeping in mind.

Stay focused on the end goal. There are so many different ways to achieve parenthood. While you may not get there the way you originally planned, through a biological conception and pregnancy, it is still possible to become a parent. The path there isn’t as important as the destination and as long as we remember that there is no reason why not everyone wanting to could experience parenthood.

Don’t blame yourself or your partner. This may seem like awfully unhelpful advice, but infertility is unfair. No one gets into the pregnancy game expecting infertility, yet some of us end up battling that particular beast. It is easy as time goes by to turn the frustration and anger inwards or towards your partner. Together you are trying to create a family. Blame – however understandable a feeling - will only stand in the way of that.

Men and women deal with infertility in different ways. Men tend to want to push it away; hide it in every day through work. Women on the other hand usually let it take over their lives completely and many times they don’t have a choice – especially not if they are going through infertility procedures such as IVF. Try to find a middle ground where you both can express what you are feeling without pushing each other away.

Find support. Infertility isn’t something you can beat on your own. It can be hard to find that long term support among friends and family as most of the time they have no real understanding of the stress infertility can cause. There are many support groups out there specifically aimed at helping people cope with infertility. Remember - you are not alone.